2007familyday125×125.jpegIt is supposed to be the 1st of June-but i was too busy to post-but i am sure it is still the 1st some where in the world! (a bonus to living in Australia!).

Given the theme i thought I would write about how being a LGBT family has meant our baby making has been ridiculously complicated.

We chose to make our children with anonymous sperm donor(s).

We live in a state where it is illegal for single women or fertile lesbians to access fertility services.   When ttc piggywig i had investigations and was declared fertile.   We had to travel interstate to access fertility clinics. We chose a clinic in the closest state north to us.  This clinic was established as a result of someone recognising the need based on the stupid the laws-and then capitialising on the $$$ from lots of clucky lesbians travelling for baby making.  It is just over the state border and lots of lesbians and single women from our state use this clinic.  So we got in our car, drove 3 hrs (6 hours return) for the sake of a ten minute ’squirt’.  We were lucky enough to fall pregnant on our second attempt in Jan 2005.  Piggywig was born in October 2005.  In mid 2006 we contacted the clinic to see if we could use the same donor again-he had stopped donating.  The clinic was facing a sperm shortage and we would have had to wait about 12 months to start ttc again and even then they would only have 2 donors.  So we tried another state-a plane ride away.  They had donors, no waiting list and we could start when we wanted.  So in October 2006 we started out IUI journey again. We had 5 failed attempts. 5 attempts over 7 months.  5 lots of booking last minute-ridiculously expensive flights, taking days off work, spending 1000’s of dollars all because of some discrimanative law preventing us from accessing a clinic 20 minutes down the road.

Because of the failed IUI attempts we are considered infertile. So now we get to be treated in our own state.

It is degrading, stressful, humiliating and infuriating that we can be discriminated in this way.   We are two ordinary girls, wanting to create a family. Wanting to create a loving home, a life full of fun and music and dancing and silly stories and smiles and hugs.  We thrive on each others company, we make plans,  take holidays, get tired, work hard, are good people doing no harm.  Yet people we have never met, and are never likely to meet have objected so loudly, to people like us making a family, that laws have been made to prevent us.    This made our ttc journey so much harder, so very much harder. 

 Once we the baby (ies) are born I am the only recognised legal parent.   Pcat has no automatic rights, is not recognised in any way, can not even get her name on the birth certificate. Our relationship is not reconised in any way.   Legally, for all intents and purposes  I am a single parent.  We have seen lawyers and done what we can to document our family, we have family court orders that give pcat rights in terms of consent etc for piggywig.  These are not water tight, they simply recognise a ’significant relationship’ between piggywig and pcat.

 Change is on its way, and passionate people are doing what they can to get these laws changed, and we are doing our own little bit.  The change can not happen fast enough.  I know our children will look back on their conception and it will be a topic of disgust.  No one will believe the discrimination we have had to experience.

We would do anything to make our family.  Every extra effort has been re-payed 1000 fold. We are two of the happiest girls alive with the most amazing family.  Ultimately we are not asking for anything more than straight couples get, we just want the same. we want recognition, we want equality.

happy blogging for LGBT families day!